Pain Of Yesterday
by Rogue Darth Skywalker
Summary: Even after all these years, she found it ironic. Ironic that despite how sure he was that she would die, that in the end, it had been him.


Even after all these years, she found it ironic. Ironic that despite how sure he was that she would die, that in the end, it had been him. In his desperation to save her, Anakin had fallen for the lies Palpatine had whispered in his ear, and had lost his life in the process. The former Chancellor and now Emperor had all but destroyed her husband in the most horrific way. And yet she was certain there had been a small piece of the man she loved buried deep inside him when she had last seen him. When she begged him to run away with her, she saw the briefest glimpse of him in the way his eyes flickered with hope and longing. It lasted for just a split second before the beast took hold of him again. The Dark Side would not let him go and not even her love could pull him from that void.

In a way, Padme thought it fortunate that he had been killed. If he hadn't, the darkness would only consume whatever was left of him and she wasn't sure if she could live knowing the man she loved, and the father of her children was alive but… not. That's not to say she didn't wish things were different. She wished he was standing by her side right now. She wished he had been there when she found out she was having twins, that he had been the one holding her hand as she labored, that she could have seen that proud smile he would have had when he held their baby boy, for the first time, that she could have seen the tears in his eyes as their daughter held his finger for the first time… She wished they could have had more children.

But he was gone.

Palpatine took him from her.

Obi-Wan took him from her.

There had been a time where the Jedi Master had been a close friend to her but sneaking aboard her ship with the intention of killing her husband had broken that friendship. Maybe if he hadn't been there she could have saved him. Maybe he would have listened. But instead, Anakin had seen him. Anakin lost control and whatever words she could have said to save him died as invisible hands gripped her throat and stole her breath, her husband's eyes turning a sickly yellow as the beast inside him declared her a villain. It was the last thing she remembered before she passed out and when she awoke and only saw Obi-Wan standing above her, she could only think about what had become of her husband and even in his silence, the Jedi's eyes spoke volumes. Dead.

Throughout her labor, she had begged him to tell her the truth but he remained firm in his silence, pleading with her to focus on her babies. But how could she when their father was missing? With every other breath, she would whisper his name, with the first cry of her son, she had spoken of how Anakin thought it was a girl, and with the naming of her daughter, she whispered of how Anakin had picked the name "Leia". Obi-Wan must have been very uncomfortable at the time. His guilt for what he had done weighing heavy on his shoulders. Padme remembered hearing the droids whispering about how her body was failing. They had all been so sure she would not pull through and that must have been one of the reasons Obi-Wan had been so silent around her. He had wanted her to die not knowing the truth. But she was a fighter. Despite the warm welcoming embrace of death, she refused. She fought back. And won. And it was only after the doctors had deemed her healthy that Obi-Wan had reluctantly told her the truth. He told her how they had fought, how he had taken Anakin's arm and legs. And worst of all, how her husband had caught fire and was left to die.

She hates him.

Obi-Wan had claimed to love Anakin like a brother and yet he had left him to die a slow and painful death. If he had truly loved him, he would have, at the very least, given him a quick death. When she had been released from the medical facility, Obi-Wan had offered to help her find safety and to help raise her twins. But she couldn't. Every time she saw him all she could see was Anakin's broken body burning. She didn't need his help. She didn't want it. Bail was all the help she needed and he made sure she was left wanting nothing as he gave her residence in one of his homes on Alderaan in the secluded mountains. It was colder than the temperate climate of Naboo but it was secluded and it was safe. And in these desperate times ruled by the Emperor who commanded fear and sought to destroy any and all who opposed him, it was necessary. The galaxy must think her and her children dead. It was the only thing they could do to ensure Palpatine would not come after her children.

Padme pulled the shall she had wrapped around her shoulders tighter as she sat watching Luke and Leia as they played in the Spring snow. Their noses and cheeks were a light pink from the cold as they ran around the courtyard, pelting one another with snowballs. Artoo's dome whirled as he wobbled back and forth on his wheels in what was probably laughter as Luke missed Leia by a parsec and hit Threepio in the face. Padme had to cover her mouth so as not to laugh, for the protocol droid acted as if he had been shot with a blaster. She shook her head at the droid and the twins simply rolled their eyes at the dramatics before returning to their game.

Threepio approached her after getting over being hit and making sure his circuits were undamaged. The gold-plated droid gave her a stiff bow before informing her that dinner would be ready soon.

The cold breeze started to pick up, whipping her shawl and the ends of her coat and sending a chill up her spine. The twins looked to be getting cold as well and she decided it was probably best to head inside for the night. Luke and Leia groaned at being ordered inside but complied all the same knowing that inside hot mugs of hot chocolate and heavy blankets by the fireplace were waiting for them.

Before she headed inside, Padme glanced up at the peaks of the mountains that surrounded them. Her mind seemed to be heavily focused on Anakin today and the thoughts just would not go away. "Threepio," She called, "What is the date?" She asked. Obediently, the droid answered and her heart felt heavy once again. It was no wonder he was on her mind so much today. It would have been their fifteenth anniversary.

END

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 **I had a few different ways I wanted to play this story out and while I did settle on this ending for this story, I do have plans to do a sort of AU for this story (kind of like a fanfic of a fanfic). I'm going to plan it out a bit more, but it is definitely something on my to-write list.**


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